Finding Calm Before the Festive Chaos
The festive season has a way of sneaking up on us, doesn’t it? It’s funny really, because as women, mothers, and the thinkers of the household, we always have a mental note that Christmas is coming. We’re kind of preparing in the background, yet somehow it still ends up all of a sudden staring us right in the face.
One minute it’s autumn leaves, pumpkin decorations, and harvesting the last of the runner beans — which, side note, had a second coming in our garden this year and were far more bountiful second time around than the first — and the next, it’s endless to-do lists, present ideas, social plans (or avoiding said plans), and the pressure to make everything as close to perfect for everyone else as possible.
A midlife women enjoying a quiet moment in the festive chaos season
Every year I aim to have everything done by the first of November so I can actually enjoy the festivities with as little stress as possible. And every year, I fail at that task. I get about 75–80% of my shopping done, then spend the next 2 months trying to finish the rest. It makes me so stressed.
And gifting is only one piece of it. There’s still so much else to think about — the handmade Christmas Eve treats (by me, of course), my mum inviting herself with no warning (which is fine, but a bit more notice would’ve been nice), the festive snacks, decorations, Christmas dinner, orchestrating guests, and deciding what we’re doing on Boxing Day. It’s a lot for just three days, isn’t it?
We always try to make the main event about being together and enjoying each other’s company, but the work that goes into that is immense.
So I’ve been thinking — what if this year, or maybe next, could feel different? What if we could move through the season with calm, or at least as much calm as possible, instead of chaos?
The Midlife Holiday Pressure
For many women in midlife, the holidays bring a mix of joy and exhaustion. When my sisters and I were younger, with small kids in tow, I took it upon myself to organise everything, — the lifts, the gifts, the timings, the logistics, I really did believe if I wasn’t pulling everyone together then it would be shit for them all, I loved being with everyone, but the pressure I put on myself to make it perfect for everyone else was immense. It ruined my Christmas.
I’d get so frustrated watching everyone else have a great time while I was quietly miserable. Of course, it wasn’t their fault — I was the one putting myself there. I wanted so badly for everyone to have a magical time that I put my own needs at the bottom of the pile.
Then one year, I realised something: they would have a great time regardless and I couldn’t carry on feeling so stressed and overwhelmed every Christmas. Whether they were late or not, whether the food was perfect or not, it really didn’t matter. That realisation changed everything. I stopped arranging all the things, and guess what? Everyone still turned up, they still had gifts, and they still had a great time. But I was far less stressed, and I actually started to enjoy it again.
We want to create magic for everyone else, but we often forget to include ourselves in that care.
An essential self care indulgence, hot drink in a cozy bath
The Gentle Reframe: Calm as a Choice
Calm doesn’t just happen — it’s something we create intentionally. It’s choosing presence over perfection, connection over control. When you give yourself permission to slow down, you make space for the moments that truly matter — laughter, warmth, and genuine connection.
We know this deep down. We’re grown, we’ve lived enough to understand that stress doesn’t serve us, perfection doesn’t exist, and slowing down is hard, especially at Christmas. If you ask your loved ones what they enjoy most about the festive season, it’s being together, seeing joy on faces, and sharing good food.
Nothing can prepare you for a game of Speak Out with your mum laughing harder than you’ve ever seen — those moments are priceless.
Your flow forward Habit: Anchor Yourself Daily
Try one of these gentle rituals to stay grounded:
Begin your day with a few deep breaths before the rush begins. Remind yourself of what truly matters, not what you think will make things perfect.
Light a candle in the evening to mark the transition from doing to being. Those few minutes to simply exist can melt away so much tension.
Before bed, write down three things you’re grateful for. Or, make it festive — write down three things you want to feel this Christmas, what could help you feel that way, and how you can make it happen with ease.
Those small moments of stillness are my go-to stress suppressors, especially during busy times. In our family, we have three birthdays before Christmas — our middle daughter’s is on the 21st — so being the puppet master of it all takes a lot of energy. And since perimenopause has drained much of that, I’ve learned to protect it fiercely.
When the tiredness hits, my go-to is a daytime bath. I go all in — bath salts, bubbles, a brainless show on the iPad, scrubs, masks, and lovely scents. It’s indulgent and just for me. I make a full hour of it and switch off completely. It’s my biggest brain recalibrator. I come out feeling reset, refreshed, and full of new ideas.
The point isn’t the bath itself — it’s finding your version of that space. What can you do to get there?
A woman making her self care a priority when festivities get overwhelming
Reflection Prompt
What would it look like to move through this season with ease? What can you let go of to make space for calm?
Closing Thoughts
You don’t have to do the most. The magic of the season isn’t all in the doing — it’s also in the being. Protect your peace, honour your energy, and let calm be your compass.
You can’t escape all the planning, someone has to do it, but at the very least, move through the festive season with grounding techniques that help you focus, calm down, and truly enjoy it with everyone else.
You deserve a season that feels as stress-free as you want it to be.
And if you want to take your flow forward to the next level why not download the free flow forward starter guide, your first step to making 1% shifts, tiny steps with a massive impact, reimagine your perimenopause journey now.
Take care
Until next time
Amber x